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| Christianity vs. Legality |
| 06.30.04 (11:29 pm) [edit] |
Question #1: Should Christians support in any way those who participate in an illegal activity?
Question #2: What if this illegal activity led to crime, theft and even murder that harmed our youth and communities? Should Christians still support those who commit this illegal activity?
If you haven’t figured it out, these questions deal with the issue of illegal immigration. I have been discussing this issue via email with another woman who claims she is a Christian. I shared with her the fact that I had a conversation with a probation officer from Chicago one day. He told me that he had a juvenile male who killed another kid on the street. He was an illegal immigrant. Unable to impose any judicial discipline on the male because of jurisdiction laws, they had to deport him back to his home country of Mexico. End of story.
Wrong!!!! The probation officer said he saw that same male on the streets of Chicago in less than a week. In less than a week he was already back in Chicago, over a thousand miles away from where he was deported. The probation officer said it was so ridiculous how easy it is for these illegal immigrants to get into our country. They are undocumented so they often times take on the identification of someone they know. Many times they can’t find any legal work and are forced to commit crime to make it. Granted, not all illegal immigrants are murderers, thieves, commit crime, etc. But there are a few, and a few is TOO MANY.
If you don’t know there is a legal process that Mexicans go can through to obtain citizenship in our nation. Yes, it may be hard and drawn out, but there is a process. Those Mexicans who come to our nation legally take on our traditions, assimilate to our culture and become positive contributing citizens. They start their own businesses, maintain strong conservative values such as love for family, community and church, and they value education, hard work and honesty. I have many friends who come from such families and they are amazing. But many times illegal immigrants come to our nation and do not embrace our traditions or our culture. They put stress on our federal government to provide for them. And some, if only a small percentage, commit crime including murder.
My hometown of Columbus has swelled in Mexican population since I left for college four years ago. When I left there were a little less than a 1,000, now there are close to 5,000. Every weekend when I come home the first thing I do is look in our local newspaper at the arrest list. I would do this to see if any of my friends in Columbus got arrested. It was a chance to see what some of my friends were up to. But lately the list is filled with Mexican names. I don’t know if they are legal or illegal, but they are now unproportionately committing and getting arrested for crime in my hometown. This then creates a burden on our communities and on our local government.
I asked these questions to a Christian co-worker today. She answered absolutely not for the first question. Then she answered ABSOLUTELY NOT for the second question. Then I told her about how some Christians bring up issues that are illegal but not immoral. Someone might say, "Even though it may be illegal to drive through a red light, Jesus Christ never stated anything about traffic lights or following driving laws in the Bible." This may be true, but if we as Christians disobey and disregard laws, then we are advocating anarchy that will lead to disorder and massive sin and destruction. Christians are supposed to uphold the law and support laws that are beneficial to our health, security and well being. Immigration laws are no different than traffic laws. They are there to protect our citizens and our communities. Christians should not support or even be ambivalent about those who break laws and commit crime in our nation. They should also not stand by and let others continue to sin. This is not Christ-like, regardless of one's perception on American history (e.i. White Americans are thieves and stole the land from the Mexicans and Indians).
So as you can see, I do not support illegal activity and especially murder. It sounds to me like this other Christian woman does though by supporting illegal immigration. I don't believe in personal murder, but I do believe in fighting for freedom, fighting for Jesus Christ and being strong. Jesus Christ will know our hearts when we die. He will know if we were willing to stand up and fight for Him or just sit back and watch others oppress and kill poor and innocent people. Do you think Nat Turner was not a true Christian because he killed people in his slave revolt? I think not. It was his deep faith in Jesus Christ and his strong religious convictions in fighting for the Lord and His people's freedom that led him to start the insurrection. He is a hero, not a murderous sinner. What about all the abolitionists who started the Civil War and fought to free the slaves because of their faith in Jesus and His will? I'm sorry but if I lived back then I would be right beside the abolitionists and Nat Turner fighting for the Lord and fighting to free His people. This Christian woman on the other hand sounds as if she would be willing to sit and let slavery and oppression rule her. We are called to be Christian warriors and if I die fighting for His Kingdom and His children I will not go out as a sinner, but rather as a Child of God who was willing to sacrifice his life for his brethren. "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." John 15:13 Well, I am going to lay down my life. Are you willing to lay down yours???
God Bless
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| Email 2: Another Wake Up Call |
| 06.28.04 (11:28 pm) [edit] |
I feel many have been misguided and misdirected. Politicians and government cannot and will never be able to help out anybody, especially the poor. Only Jesus Christ can help others. Jesus Christ only works through the hearts of individuals who accept Him and follow Him. Jesus does not work through secular institutions nor government. Many people call federal social programs a "blessing" but I call it enslavement. It takes the legs out of those who are able to work and undermines the free market system. Yes, there are those who do need help, but they must be willing to help themselves first. The Church, family and the community should be the only resources available to help those
who can no longer help themselves (disabled, dismembered, etc.) Because they are the only ones that are actually effective. Government help is not help,
but rather harm. The only reason many people look to the government to provide for the poor is because they believe that Black people are inferior and cannot compete in the business market. That's why there are those who oppose capitalism. Because they feel it is unfair to Blacks who are inferior and weaker intellectually and entreprenuerally. But ladies and gentlemen, that is completely false. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Madame C.J. Walker from Indianapolis proved that wrong back in the early 1900's when she became the first woman millionaire. And that was when there were practically no opportunities nor technology to sustain such prosperous business. But she did it. Other Black Americans have done it as well. But
their stories are the ones you do not hear of. Instead you hear of the same ol sad story of those who are trapped in the projects and need government
checks. Well, I met a few people in my lifetime who grew up and came out of those same projects. An older Black male who came out of one the most notorious South Side Chicago projects had a long discussion with me on a flight one time. He grew up with nothing but still worked hard to make it through college and now is an engineer with his own music production company
on the side. But you won't hear his story. When we embrace the government for our support we embrace our own failure. When we embrace secularism,
socialism, communism or liberalism, we support our own demise.
Black churches have not blindly supported Bush or the Republican party. In fact it has been the Black churches who have blindly supported the Democrat Party. Although George W. Bush may be a reborn again Christian he is by no means a conservative. In fact he has done more to expand the federal government in his first term than any other president since FDR. Eventhough liberals hate him with a passion, he did more for the liberal movement than all eight years of the Clinton administration. Christians need to align
themselves with the political party that most closely resembles Christian values. That party is and has always been the Republican Party. But now the
Republican party is becoming more and more liberal everyday and straying away from their Christian conservative philosophies and ideals.
Christian Conservative policies, philosophies and ideas are the only ones that are actually effective for poor people of this nation. I know, I grew up poor. I embraced conservative philosophies my whole life, even though at the time I didn't know they were conservative. I said no to drugs, to alcohol, to
sexual immorality, to gangs, to crime, to deviance. I worked hard in school and at sports. I was optimistic of my future and when everybody in my life told me I couldn't make it and that I was destined to be a bum all my life, I walked with humility and pressed on. And when all my friends turned to drugs and alcohol and dropped out of school, I worked harder and looked for
opportunities. I had faith in my abilities and after being saved I had faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. And He protected me, guided me and provided for me. I grew up the same as all my other poor friends. In fact I grew up even worse than many of my friends. But we had different outcomes. Because I embraced a different philosophy. I embraced a different lifestyle and I made
different personal choices. It was faith in Jesus Christ, Christian morals, hard work, positive personal choices, and avoidance of negative peer pressure that allowed me to make it out of poverty and break this so called cycle. It is conservatives and conservatism who hold the most hope and promise for Black Americans.
God Bless
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| Email 1: Liberal's Wake Up Call |
| 06.22.04 (10:48 pm) [edit] |
Unfortunately, many so called cultural critics only criticize policies rather than criticize the culture itself. I was once brainwashed by the thought that the U.S.A. is this evil empire. I grew up with this sentiment. It was planted in me from my family, my teachers, my schools, and even professors and other people here at IU. I saw America as racist and oppressive. I thought capitalism was the main cause for our poverty. I grew up hating White people, rich people and those who had a family, a house or any other nice property or assets. I even hated the Republican Party even though I knew nothing about politics or their policies. I was being filled with nothing but hate and bitterness for my country and for my circumstances growing up. I blamed everyone and everything other than myself and those who were responsible for me.
But now my perspective has changed and I have seen fit to follow a different course. This new perspective and course only came about through the grace of God who opened my eyes and set my heart free. He has blessed me with the truth and set my heart on fire to spread the message about the Lord Jesus Christ and conservatism.
Many of us do not know our own history nor the history of our nation. It is the very system many of you have come to put your hope and faith in that began slavery in our nation. That system was socialism. Jamestown Colony was originally a socialistic community and the only way it could sustain itself was to implement the institution of slavery. Slavery soon became the institution of choice, socialism became the economic system of choice and the Democrat Party became the political party of choice throughout the South. It was socialism and the Democrat party who upheld slavery in our nation. Like all socialists and communists, they will use whatever force and system necessary to subjugate the minds, souls and bodies of those they wish to oppress. The force they used was Christianity. The Democrat socialists used and manipulated Christianity to uphold slavery and to keep the slaves captive. It was the real Christians, the puritans and Quakers of the North (who were White), who through Jesus Christ fought against slavery and began an abolitionist movement. This abolitionist movement became the Republican Party with its main and only platform being abolition. Abraham Lincoln was a moderate who thought nothing about slavery and felt that Black slaves WERE inferior. But it was the pressure of these White Christian abolitionists along with Black abolitionists like Douglass and Truth who forced Lincoln to act on the issue of slavery. The South wanted to secede leaving them to become a socialist nation filled with hate, bigotry and slavery. But by the grace of God the North won and Jesus Christ set free the slaves. Yes, Jesus Christ! It was the Christian faith that led many slaves such as Harriet Tubman and Frederick Douglass to fight against the institution and help free their people.
It was then the Republican party that instituted the 40 acres and a mule but the Democrat party disallowed southern Blacks to receive this compensation. It was then the Democrat party who instituted Jim Crow laws and segregation because they were racists who believed in slavery and socialism. Then along came Booker T. Washington who we have been taught to hate and despise. But honestly he held the answers and solutions to the problems we face now and the problems we faced then. Our mistake was following W.E.B. DuBois rather than Booker T. Washington. DuBois was from the North, Massachusetts, which is the most liberal state in our nation. He was educated at Harvard by Whites and even went over to Berlin and educated by more Whites. Yet, he held the answer for Black people? Washington came from slavery and poverty. DuBois came from privilege. Washington was a Christian and believed that Jesus Christ, hard work, discipline, home and property ownership were the keys to gaining community stability and eventually political power. DuBois believed it was education and putting pressure on the government that would lead to empowerment. I know that the only way a person or people can be empowered is not through the government but rather through Jesus Christ. DuBois became a communist and gave up on the U.S.A. and moved to Africa. A true communist is an atheist who does not believe in God but rather in Government. DuBois was an advocate for the re-enslavement of Black people. Communism is slavery and worst it is an institution that disallows any religions or faiths. We have come to define the term Uncle Tom with those who support the White people and slavery. Well, DuBois was by far the biggest Uncle Tom we have seen. He did not believe in Black people, did not believe in God and thought we needed the White government to help us and support us. Slaveowners had the mentality that, "You need us to survive." DuBois adopted that same mentality in that we needed the White Government to survive. DuBois stated that he believed in communism because it provided everyone with their needs. Well that sounds like nothing but slavery to me. Slaves were provided all their needs: food, clothes, shelter, and work. As he went, so did our people. We have given up on America, come to depend on the government and lost hope in our people, each other and most importantly Jesus Christ.
Black culture is deeply embedded and rooted in the Christian faith. We have strayed from our culture and have progressed into a culture of sin and government dependence. Now 70% of all Black births are born out of wedlock. Almost 50% of all Black pregnancies end up in abortion. We now have a major moral and family crisis in Black America. And it is not racism that has caused this crisis. It is not any external, structural or "right wing conspiracy" that has led to this huge downfall in our culture and communities. It is our own culture. We now value premarital sex, down low activities, sexual immorality, glorification of the flesh and body, tattoos, body piercings, scandalous clothing. We value material things such as beauty products, clothes, cars, dvd players, etc. All things that depreciate in value. We are now a culture of the here and now. We do not sacrifice for others, we do not even sacrifice for ourselves. Our children are now being put on the back burner as parents now want to continue having a social life and go clubbing. Our youth are being left to be raised by the government and the streets. That was how I was raised. That was how I grew up. But it was the grace of God, the Lord Jesus Christ, who came into my life and saved me. We need to reevaluate the issues and problems that Black Americans face today. We need to look no further than to Jesus and ourselves to solve these issues. I am no DuBois. I have not nor will ever give up on Black people, on our youth, on our heritage and rich culture, on Jesus, nor on the United States of America. Everything happens for a reason. Slavery and freedom happened for a reason. Black people are now the most free and wealthiest Black people in the world. Our Gross Nation Production (GDP) among Black Americans would rank as the 10th most wealthiest nation in the world. 10th! But we don't have economic wealth and power because our culture values immorality and sin, which destroys our temples and our economic situations. We buy cars rather than homes. We buy clothes rather than cds. We buy beauty products rather property. We buy shoes rather stocks. We have credit card accounts rather than savings accounts. We have debt rather than determination.
It is our personal choices that make us poor. It is our culture that allows us to accept our personal choices. It is today's society that allows us to disregard personal responsibility for ourselves, our future, our children, our family and our communities. Jesus wants to restore our faith in Him and our people. He wants us to rely upon Him rather than a secular government. He wants us to discontinue our sinful ways and culture and become Christ-like. Our culture needs to once again return to the Christian foundation that it once cherished. Jesus will provide for us and take care of us. Through Jesus He will call upon us to step up and lead our people to the greatness that they have been called to be. We need to get rid of our defeatist attitudes, our pessimistic outlooks, and our hateful admonitions. We need to once again look to God and let Him restore our hearts and faith. Let Him lead us on to victory that has already been set before us. We need to once again regain the hope and aspirations that was once common place among a people so strong to stand up in face of any obstacle. I learned that obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the prize. Well, we have taken our eyes off of His and our own Glory. We need to refocus our vision and need to take our destiny in our own hands. We need to give it to our Lord Jesus and put all our faith, hope, and energy into seeking Him and building His Kingdom. He is calling for us. Our youth are screaming in despair for Him. Let us rise to His calling and spread His message and His love. In this world, it is not between you and man, but rather between you and God. Make the commitment today. Give your heart to the Lord and He will save you and set you free. He liberated our people from slavery and He will do the same for us from our sins and our sinful ways. Do not let our culture perish and decease. Do not let Blackness become synonymous with sin and destruction, with fear and defeat, with hopelessness and despair, with government dependency and irresponsibility. John 3:15 claims, "That whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."
God Bless
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| Email Frenzy |
| 06.22.04 (10:40 pm) [edit] |
Today, while checking my email, I noticed an email from a server list I'm on that discussed Michael Moore's new movie. This server list is for Black graduate students throughout the IU campus. Many people were encouraging people to see the film and were excited about it. My brother replied to the message speaking against Moore and his film. And then several emails went off replying to my brother's email. Because my brother was busy at work, I took the time and duty to respond. Well, lets just say my response did not receive a warm welcome. I am going to post my emails to let you read what I had to say. Hope you enjoy.
God Bless
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| Camp Culture |
| 06.16.04 (11:36 pm) [edit] |
This week our summer camp began. It is a three week camp for middle school students throughout the state of Indiana to experience campus life and get them to begin to think about attending college. Each camp is one week long and there are over 150 students. There are two other camps that live with us. One is a high school camp that prepares students for the SAT and another is a camp for musical arts students.
I began the week off by riding a bus down to French Lick, Indiana, home of Larry Bird, and surrounding towns to pick up some middle school students. We picked up around 20 or 30 students in all. Orange County is very rural and predominantly White. From one school were four girls. One was Black, two were mixed (White and Black) and the other was White. During the entire one hour drive back to IU, all four sang contemporary hip hop music that contained very explicit lyrics. They were loud, bold and unashamed. They did not quiet during explicit words and sang with hype and energy. It actually reminded me of me and my friends growing up. I had never heard young girls sing the songs they did with the tone and sentiment in which they were singing. I knew then that I was in for a long week and a close up look at what is really going on in our communities and culture.
As soon as we got to the dorm, it was over. I had two young boys, no older than twelve or thirteen ask me how old I was. After I told them my age, they asked if I would be able to get them moonshine. Yes, liquor, whiskey, alcohol. And I was their camp counselor. Someone they were to fear and respect. At least at first until they found out who was the “cool” counselors and who wasn’t. But they were bold. Then one asked me if anyone had ever blown up anything while they were here at camp. I didn’t know if these kids were being serious or just joking around to act cool or something. But I can say that that was most definitely not the most shocking thing I have experienced thus far.
Then we saw girls wearing very revealing clothes. Girls were wearing tight shirts and short skirts. Some were no older than twelve. They had their shirts rolled up to reveal their stomachs and their lower backs. What was most upsetting was to see many of these girls already having tattoos and body piercings. No girl was more than sixteen or seventeen years of age. They had tattoos on their upper arms, lower backs and some even had tattoos below their belly button. What was worst was that they made sure all their tattoos were all showing. Our camp director immediately told the girls to put down their shirts. Three of them just ignored her and walked off. She then had to run up on them and tell them again. They just kind of pulled at their shirt but it didn’t go down. Then she had to individually make sure every girl had their shirts fall below their waste.
From there it only progressed. At lunch I overheard some student conversations. I heard one girl say, “Naw, I can’t do that in my room. My roommate might be a snitch. Then I will have to beat that @%%” Girls were constantly hollering at the guys. One girl asked every boy how old they were. I have never seen so many bold and aggressive girls who are direct in their language, attitude and behavior, especially in a sexual manner. It was very upsetting.
Then we had boys destroy the bathrooms. They clogged up many of the stools with trash, towels, and underwear. One shower was even defecated in and left as a special surprise for a half-awake camper. The boys were acting immature. But more so in a deliberate and planned way instead of a spur of the moment, “I dare you” sort of way.
Then to top it all off we had a talent show today. It just completely demonstrated the forces we are up against and the level of immorality that plagues our youth. One act was a duet where the girl sang lyrics such as, “As you rub on my thigh, look in my eyes, we’ll go all the way tonight.” Then some guys got up to rap and freestyle. They begin to say some crazy lyrics and one even had to be stopped in the middle of his performance. He said a line like, “I’ll treat you like (something) and take you home for the night.” Every song and performance was laced with sexual innuendo and lyrics. But none more so than the dancing performances.
The two lewd dance performances were both by White girls. The majority of the students in the camp are Black so for them just to get in front of the crowd is pretty commendable. But their performances were not. The first girl danced to the Usher song, “Yeah” and looked like she was on stage at a strip club. She was doing this crazy ridiculous dance that was very sexual in manner. She then began to raise her shirt and motion her hands on her body. It was crazy. Then another little girl came to the stage and did her dance. But she really couldn’t dance. All she could do was the booty shake (or whatever they call it). She did it and dropped all the way to the ground. Then she did the splits and then did the booty dance once again. I thought I was at Panama City Beach during MTV spring break or something. No it was just like Girls Gone Wild. Yet, these girls were only twelve and thirteen but looked like they were six and seven.
Then a young high school girl got up and recited a poem she wrote for Black history month. It was a crazy, left-leaning liberal speech that was filled with the racism cry and about how Blacks are not free. It was a speech that only a few months ago I would have jumped up and down and applauded with all my heart and vigor. I would have run up to her and hugged her and tried to “mentor” her. But this time I just looked at her with disdain and disbelief. How could the words she expressed that I once found myself speaking, now sound so wrong and illogical. It is no surprise that the crowd went wild when she was finished. It is also no surprise that she won first place in the contest. This is the fervent demonstration of the liberal mindset that has plagued our people and our culture. Not to mention the girl that was reciting the poem, the same poem that expressed her belief that Black Americans are oppressed, racism has held our people captive, and the KKK still exist, was one of the same girls I talked about earlier that was wearing the “hoochie-momma” outfits, with tattoos, talking about boys and getting them to their room and this day wearing a shirt that read, “My boyfriend is out of town.” Who is oppressing who? Who is the real enemy?
Also in the midst of this liberal display, was a gospel/spiritual song. Singing about Jesus, our Savior and Lord, the crowd also erupted when she was done. Yet this was obviously a mockery of Jesus Christ, Christianity, our faith, our heritage and our culture. We can applaud a girl for singing a gospel song but can’t straighten up our behavior. They were living an immoral life of sin. Captivated and enslaved by their culture of accepted sin and hip hop culture, the youth are really lost. They think they are Christians because their momma goes to church or because they may go there once in awhile or listen to gospel. Christians’ discipleship is shown by their fruit and their every day lives. Sexual motions and motives, revealing clothing, tattoos and piercings that glorify the body, bad language, etc. are not the signs of a true Christian nor one who has any moral values.
Just a decade ago, this was also prevalent. Except the people were older, college aged students who were “adults” making their own poor decisions. Now it is twelve and thirteen year olds who are under the watch (time watch) of their parents. They claim they are “grown” and act as if they are. By being “grown” it means able to participate fully by talking about and acting out sexual actions. Our youth are now being highly sexualized at such early ages. We must take a hard look at this and stand up to this immorality and sin among our young. It starts at home and at church. Individuals need to step up. If not, our younger generations will take themselves out, almost instantaneously.
Matthew 18:6 warns, “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” We must not let allow our youth to sin any more.
God Bless
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| Trip to Reagan's Funeral |
| 06.15.04 (9:34 pm) [edit] |
Sorry I haven't been blogging for a while. Last Tuesday night my friend called me up and we decided to roll to Washington, D.C. to check out President Reagan's funeral. It was an amazing trip.
My friend's driver side window was busted out and could not roll up. All his other windows could not roll down. His tire rods were messed up and his windshield wipers did not work at all. But we made it there ok.
We checked out the procession, checked out our representative and then to his funeral. If any of you got it on tape, we went through the Rotunda around 9:55 pm eastern time I believe. Those soldiers are no joke. They were huge. A group of Indiana University students were there and they had reporters and tv cameras in front of them, interviewing them and everything.
My friend had not slept since Reagan had died and I had not slept for more than a day so we were dead tired. As I was driving I finally found my way out of D.C. and into northern Virginia. Then that's when all the craziness began. We could not find a hotel anywhere. Every exit and every hotel we stopped at was full. And we were a full hour outside of D.C. We were looking for a hotel from 11pm until 2 in the morning. We finally found one in Winchester, Virginia. Basically half way home.
In the morning my friend had one missed call. It was a friend of mine who lived in D.C. and she called around midnight to see if we needed a place to stay. I guess we were driving around forever close to where she stayed. Man, so close yet oh so far.
We began to drive home in the morning. We couldn't find the state highway we needed to catch in Winchester for a good half an hour. We finally had to backtrack and got on the interstate. We had to pull over when the rain began to come down. We were hoping that we could wait in the rest area until the rain passed by. As soon as we got in there a guy asked where we were heading and we said west on I-70. He said, "Man, you are heading right toward the storms." We looked at ourselves and just laughed.
We said screw it and just got on the highway and hoped that we could make it far until it began to get really bad. Then my friend's mother called his cell phone to let us know that we were heading right into four tornadoes that had just touched down in eastern Ohio. We were going to go south through West Virginia and Kentucky but we didn't and took a chance. We rode through the storm and eventually the skies cleared up and a nice sunset began to form.
We were right outside Dayton, Ohio and on the home stretch. We pull off and switch drivers. As soon as I hit the interstate I realize that smoke is blowing out of the back of the car. I told my friend about it but we kept on cruising 65 down the highway. As I got over in the far left passing lane, my friend was like get over to the right. As soon as I got in the right lane, I could no longer accelerate. The gas pedal would not go in and we were quickly losing power and speed. I was going to try to coast into the next exit but didn't make it. I had to pull over.
Luckily my friend has his dad's AAA card. We got towed to the nearest car shop. We then decided we were going to sleep in our car that night. My friend called his dad to let him know what had happened. As soon as he did it began to rain. Then his dad said that we were about to have a tornado. We began to laugh once more and thought to ourselves the craziest stuff always happens to us.
But lucky no tornadoes, just heavy rain. We got the car fixed in the morning and were set to head home. It was still pouring down like crazy but I said screw it and I jumped on the interstate. It was cool at first but then it began to rain really hard and the car began to swerve. I quickly got off the next exit and my friend drove backroads all the way home. As soon as we got to the driveway of his dad's house, the sky cleared up and the sun came out as if it had been out all week long. We had made it home, but more importantly we had made it to Washington, D.C. to see history take place in the Gipper's funeral.
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| Honor Thy Mother |
| 06.07.04 (10:43 pm) [edit] |
It has been brought to my attention by a friend that my writing is sometimes a little harsh, especially in some of my pieces where I critique or criticize my family. In all honesty there are a lot of emotions and feelings that I harbor towards my family. I love my mother and grandmother dearly and tell them so every time I see them. But there is a deep pain and almost resentment I feel towards them at times. Growing closer to Jesus and sharing my feelings through writing has allowed me to deal with my feelings and has allowed the Holy Spirit to move and change my heart.
My birth was not planned but my mother chose to have me. She sees my brother and me as something that she was stuck with and has told this to me various times. After our birth, she went deep into debt and gained a lot of weight. Both of these things I’m sure has brought a lot of depression into her life. On top of all this, she has never really had anyone in her life that truly loved her. The one man she was engaged to before she had us was cheating on her with another woman. My mother has never shared with me personally any of her feelings about these subjects. I don’t believe she has ever dealt with them.
My earliest memories I have of my mother bringing pain into my life was when she would leave us at the house with our grandfather. Instead of staying home and spending time with her sons, she would leave to go bowling or play bingo. I remember my brother and me hanging on my mother trying to prevent her from leaving. We would often times block the front door and when she got past us and into her car we would stand in front of it. As she pulled away we would run after her with tears flying in the wind. We cried because she was leaving us with our grandfather who hated us, but more so because we deeply desired quality time and attention from our mother.
We soon felt and knew that our mother did not share the same desire to spend quality time with us. In fact growing up we rarely saw our mother. She would leave for work before we got up in the morning and she would leave in the evenings to “get away from the house.” She usually didn’t return until after we were in bed. I remember we would often ask my mother where she was going and her reply would be, “I’m going crazy.” We often felt like it was our fault.
My mother never really took interest in anything we did. She never encouraged us or believed in us. I am thankful that my mother got us into sports at an early age because it taught us many invaluable lessons such as discipline, team work, perseverance, etc. She knew we needed to stay busy and tried hard to get us involved in something that would provide a positive male role model. Even though we loved sports and wanted to play, looking back I feel she sort of pawned us off to sports as a way to get us out of her hair for awhile.
I remember she would go to our games, but afterwards she never really said anything positive to us. I would get so upset when she would watch our soccer games from the car instead of from the stands. After the game I would get in the front seat and ask her if she watched the game. After she said yes, I would look down at the book she had and thought to myself that she probably did not. My mother has taken more interest in her Harlequin Romance novels, bingo, bowling and gambling than she has in her two very own sons.
My mother has never supported me in anything I’ve ever done. She has always criticized any of my ideas, plans or dreams. The biggest dream I had growing up was to play soccer in college. Making it out of poverty, breaking the family cycle of failure and making something of my life was actually my biggest dreams. The only way I knew how to do this was to go to college. And the only way I thought I was going to be able to go to college was to get a scholarship to play soccer. I put all I had into becoming the best soccer player I could. I wanted nothing more than my mother to support me in this endeavor.
I would often play with my soccer ball in the house, outside the house and basically have it with me at all times of the day. My mother would constantly yell at me for playing with the ball and threatened so many times to throw it away. She did not know it but she was basically threatening to throw away every dream, hope and chance I had to do something special with my life.
I remember one Christmas I was snooping around my mother’s room to see if she had left any of my presents out. I found a box that had a little bear holding a soccer ball. My heart was moved so much. Finally my mother has come to terms on how much soccer meant to me and she was finally going to support me and give me her blessing. I was so excited and happy. I impatiently waited until Christmas day when she would give me the gift that I always wanted: her approval of my dreams. On Christmas day we were exchanging gifts and my girlfriend was at my house. My mother had wrapped my girlfriend a present and gave it to her. As she unwrapped the paper, my heart dropped. My mother gave my girlfriend the bear with the soccer ball as she too played the sport. I was quickly brought to tears and immediately ran upstairs to hide my feelings. It was a devastating blow to my heart, to my dreams and to my relationship with my mother.
Not only did she not support me, but she would often times discourage me and call me crazy. She did this when I told her that I was going to college. She would try to discourage me by saying, “Where are you going to get the money?” “Who’s going to pay for it?” “How are you going to get in?” and “You can’t make it to college.” I had to fill out all the college applications and financial aid papers by myself. I had to fill them out for both my brother and me and had to write my mother’s information and forge her signature on all the required forms. Even after I got in she still discouraged me.
I was so blessed to have financial aid take care of all our college expenses. It is ironic that the one thing that causes so much hardship, pain, suffering, barriers and obstacles growing up is the same thing that will get you thousands of dollars in financial aid for college. That thing is poverty. It wasn’t the federal government that provided me the opportunity to go to college, like my mother would like to argue, but rather the Lord Jesus Christ.
Because we were fortunate enough to go to college my aunt claimed that we were drug dealers because there was no other way we could possibly afford to pay for college. My mother was not sure whether or not her sons were drug dealers and would often tell us that we better not be selling drugs. My aunt moved in my house once we left to help pay expenses. Because she thought we were drug dealers we were no longer able to visit our own house or come home for holidays. My mother did nothing to stand up for us.
As soon as I got to college I had the dream of studying abroad my junior year in Spain. I would often tell my mother this almost every weekend when I saw her or talked to her. She would then tell me not to go, not to leave the country and not to be foolish. I asked her a year before I left to start to set aside some money every month to help me pay for the trip. She told me that there was no way that I was going to be able to go and she never set aside any money. In fact she did not help me out financially at all. The whole time she was against the whole idea and tried to talk me out of it constantly. But the Lord pulled through again and I was accepted to the program and received over ten thousand dollars in scholarships.
I then began to tell my mother about my plans, goals and dreams to earn a Ph.D. I told my mother that I would have to study another four or so years and I would then become Dr. Hankins. My mother once again quickly shot down this idea and told me that I needed to get a job. My mother was the only person in my family, besides my brother, to attend a banquet in my honor. I was awarded the prestigious Kenneth R. R. Gros Louis Scholarship for the most outstanding senior at Indiana University. It is the most prestigious and highest money scholarship the university offers.
I had a special banquet where many of my professors and administrators were present. During that banquet I gave a heartfelt speech about the hardships I had to endure and obstacles I had to overcome in my life. Everyone in the crowd was drawn to tears and moved by my speech. Everyone came up to me and was giving me hugs and showing me love. Everyone except my mother. My mother did not really even talk to me after the speech. She basically acted as if she was ashamed of me. After the banquet she just took us back to the dorm and she drove back home. She didn’t comment on the speech, the banquet, my award, my accomplishments, nothing. It was really devastating but like times in the past, I just carried on and continued to work hard.
Now, my brother and I have been accepted to participate in this one year institute that will prepare us to become youth ministers. The Lord has really been calling us to step up and prepare young children’s hearts for the love of Christ. But once we shared with my mother our good news, she has treated us with resentment and disownment. She does not approve of us becoming ministers and I honestly don’t expect her to help us financially either. She has begun to discourage us and shoot down our ideas, goals and dreams.
It is just so upsetting because the one person who is supposed to have your back and support you no matter what, has become the one person who has been my biggest adversary. I have longed for nothing more than the love and acceptance of my mother. Just for her to acknowledge some of my accomplishments, goals and dreams. She does not know how much she has hurt me. She does not understand me and why I dream the big dreams that I do. I don’t need her understanding, I need her love.
I often times get frustrated at the lifestyle my mother leads. But I show her unconditional love whenever I am in her presence. I just hope that it will one day be returned.
God Bless
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| The Best Is Yet To Come |
| 06.06.04 (12:26 pm) [edit] |
Over Memorial Day weekend, my family had a high school graduation party for my cousin. It was an opportunity for me to gather with my family and spend some quality time with them. I always feel awkward around my family. It used to be because I am the first in my family to go to college and the first in my family to actually move out on my own away from Columbus, Indiana. I always feel like there is some resentment towards me because I was able to make it out and experience what else is out there in the world. Now I feel awkward because of my outgoing passion for Christ and Conservatism. My brother and I are the only believers and followers of Christ in our family and the only ones who were blessed and fortunate enough to learn about Conservatism.
My brother and I are trying to share with my mother the realness of Jesus Christ. We are also trying to share with her some of our wisdom about economic issues. This past year my mother and my grandmother lost their house and had to move into an apartment where they are wasting their money on rent. We have tried to share with her the message of homeownership and let her know the economic benefits and significance of having ownership in a home and property. My brother and I were fortunate enough to save back some money over the last few years and wanted to help my mother buy her first home. My mother was not willing to listen and just claimed that she could not afford to buy a home.
In actuality, you cannot afford NOT to buy a home. My mother would be paying the same amount for a mortgage as she would for rent. Except when you own a home, you can resell it and make a profit, instead of not owning anything and just losing the money you spent on an apartment over all those years. When you buy a home and spend your money on your house it is like you are just taking the money you earn and putting it into a savings account. Yet, this savings account usually produces close to a ten percent interest rate which is much better than a regular savings account. When you spend your money on rent you are just taking your money and throwing it down the drain. You have nothing to show for it.
My mother could not understand this concept let alone the concept that her two sons wanted to help her out by trying to buy a house for her. During the graduation party, we were discussing this exact matter with my grandmother’s brother. We were discussing the importance of homeownership. Homeownership is one of the most important things in life, next to accepting and living for Jesus Christ, marriage and family. How my mother did not get this memo, I don’t know. But my brother and I also did not get this memo. It was not until we learned about conservatism: Jesus Christ, marriage, family, hard work, etc. that we found out the importance of homeownership. It is usually a lack of homeownership and private property ownership that leaves families poor over generations. Most middle class families leave their children their homes, estates, savings, etc. when they die. Many poor families, like my mother, will only have her debts to leave me.
The conversation with my grandmother’s brother quickly turned to politics and he said that he will not be voting for Bush. He said he hated Bush and that he has never voted Republican. Then he went on to say that President Reagan was the “worst one of the bunch.” He said this because he has worked for a labor union his whole life and when Reagan got into office he basically destroyed and weakened the labor unions. Reagan was against labor unions because they are communistic in nature and undermine the free market system. Karl Marx, the founder of communism, wanted the communist movement to take force through the labor unions. Reagan saw fit to destroy the communist movement both abroad and ashore.
My family members have long been Democrats and have with a passion hated Ronald Reagan and the Republican Party. The sole reason is because “they are for the rich people and they are greedy.” It is ironic that I remember the best Christmases in my household to be during the Reagan and Bush administrations. My family would bring over trash bags full of presents and I would get a hundred dollars or so in money from my family. My mother was able to buy me skateboards, nintendos, an even a real air-hockey machine for the house. Things were great. But during the Clinton administration Christmas took a turn for the worst. No longer were trash bags full of gifts coming through the door, but merely a present or two along with a few Christmas cards for the children. I knew my presents before Christmas morning even came. I knew that my mother would only be able to get me socks, underwear and some chocolate covered peanuts (my favorite candy). This became Christmas for me during middle school and high school.
Reagan was a great man with a great vision for our nation. Tax cuts not only helped the rich but also the poor. During the eighties more families rose to middle class status than ever before, including a 46% increase in Black middle class families. Homeownership increased, the stock markets enjoyed fruitful years and America’s value system was being restored. But according to my family and all the sources of information that I received, the eighties were a much different time period, one filled of turmoil, struggle and poverty. I was brainwashed to believe that Reagan and the eighties were the worst things to happen to America since the great depression. For the longest time I thought Reagan were a racist and the worst president ever. I now know differently.
It was under his leadership that America became stronger. He created opportunities for working class people to move up and enjoy homeownership, business ownership, wealth and prosperity. My family did not take advantage of it. The effects of their poor decisions show now more than ever. My mother is afraid to take a risk on owning her own house. My mother is afraid to take a risk on pursuing any of her dreams let alone even harboring any dreams. It is the lack of risk taking, not opportunities, that keep poor people poor. I now know that I cannot make the same mistakes as my family and must take the risks necessary to create a better life for myself. I made a vow to myself to make it out of poverty and to provide a better life for my family, children and their future generations. It is important that I sacrifice for the future. That is what Ronald Reagan did his whole life. He has left us with a wonderful example of what love for Jesus Christ, your fellow man and your nation will allow you to achieve. My investment, sacrifice and risk taking is for my children, their children and all the future children of our nation. I take assurance in the words of Ronald Reagan, “The best is yet to come.”
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| For All Who Serve Him |
| 06.03.04 (10:26 pm) [edit] |
My back is against the ceiling. My feet are planted firmly on the squishy bag of clothes. Drops of sweat roll down the side of my face onto the bags of clothes below as I push my feet powerfully against the bag to flatten it. In the back of a semi trailer being filled with donated clothes from my church to send to Ukraine, I stop for a second to meditate on my service. Each bag weighing more than a hundred pounds, I imagine them as being slabs of stone used to build and expand the Kingdom of Heaven. We may not have realized it then but that was exactly what we were doing by filling that truck full of donated clothing: Building and expanding the Kingdom of Heaven.
We will never see the final product, the joyful smiles on the faces of the little ones who are blessed with clothing that they were unable to afford. We will never see or meet the people who we help. They will never know who we are and we will never know who they are. But the Lord will see our works and feel their hearts and will be joyful.
This is how it is in our everyday lives. We may never see the end result of our works. We may never know the fruit we helped produce. And unfortunately, too often we do not see the significance of our service. While we pushed, pulled, dragged, lifted and stacked the hundred pound bags of clothes into the trucks, others were only able to separate clothes, box shoes, tape boxes or bring in lemonade and cookies. But all of His servants were needed, necessary and significant. They may see their work as little or menial, but the Lord sees it in a different light. The Lord sees every service for Him as significant and beautiful. In all things that glorify Him, it is significant.
We must understand and realize this in our everyday lives. Not all of us can be a famous pastor who preaches to millions of people at a time. Not all of us can even be a local pastor who preaches to a hundred people every Sunday. But we all can be servants of the Lord in our everyday lives. At work, at school, on the street, in the store, with our family. Anywhere. We may never be able to bring a person to Christ, but through our love and Spirit-filled service we can begin to sow seeds and soften hearts. So that someday down the road a lost child may accept Jesus Christ into their heart as their personal savior. We must realize that it is not about us, but rather about Him. We must realize the power we have as Christians to serve and plant seeds in others. No service or seed is insignificant if it glorifies God. Be faithful and serve where you are. The Lord will reveal our results when we go to Heaven.
God Bless
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